I recently spoke to several hundred students at a conference on the importance of evangelism. During my time with those students, I asked them all a simple question: Has there ever been a time when you felt like you should tell someone about Jesus, but a fear, anxiety, or reluctance kept you silent?
Everyone raised their hand.
I imagine you are not surprised by that. In fact, if you are like me, you know that feeling because it has happened to you. Those of us who have been Christians for any length of time can likely recall those moments when we felt the need to share the good news of the gospel and fell silent instead.
Today, I want to dig into one reason that keeps us from feeling the freedom to share. I am sure many other reasons exist, but I’m convinced one reason we keep our mouths shut is a lack of depth in our relationships with those we hope to engage in evangelism. Of course, this refers to attempts at evangelism with people that we know like friends or family. It could also refer to our attempts to develop relationships with new people we believe have not yet heard or accepted the gospel in order to share the good news with them.
In the past, I provided a word of caution concerning “relationship evangelism.” Notice the scare quotes. Too often, we hide in the idea of relationship evangelism as somehow superior to sharing the gospel with people we just met. At the same time, there are many instances where strengthening relationships with people in order to share Christ is exactly the right move, especially with people we already know. In other words, if we have relationships with people who need Jesus, then let’s get serious about relationship evangelism.
So, how do we do it? How do we deepen relationships with people in a way that leads toward gospel conversations?
Move from Interests to Values to Worldview
Simply put, we need to find intentional ways to steer the conversation toward deeper waters. I’m indebted to Sam Chan for this simple framework and the following tactic which encourages people to deepen their conversations with friends and family. Chan wrote two books on Evangelism: Evangelism in a Skeptical World and How to Talk about Jesus (Without Being That Guy). The first one I’ve used as a textbook in some of my courses. As with any author, I don’t agree with all of his conclusions, but his work shines when discussing the importance of plausibility structures in the task of evangelism.
Chan notes the importance of worldview in evangelism. Everyone has a worldview whether they realize it or not, and the worldview is where our deepest beliefs inform our convictions. That’s the space where the gospel confronts a person’s beliefs. Unfortunately, most of our relationships do not exist at a depth where we regularly interact at the worldview level in conversation. Simply put, we tend to be pretty shallow in our relationships.
In his work, Chan identifies three different layers of conversation that create a simple yet powerful framework for relationship evangelism. These layers are: interests, values, and worldviews. Interests are those most surface-level matters like hobbies, sports teams, and favorite TV shows. Values carry more weight and deal in the things we find important. Values are often convictions. Deeper still are those issues of worldview, or our fundamental beliefs about how the world works.
When laid out in that framework, it is pretty easy to see. Most of our conversations exist in the realm of trivial matters. In fact, it is convicting. We are often pretty shallow in our conversations. I am convinced this is only more true in the age of social media. Shallow conversations build shallow relationships. That’s a problem among believers, and it is a barrier to evangelism among unbelievers. Of course, if we never talk about important matters, then it feels pretty awkward to introduce the gospel.
If our aim in relationship evangelism is to eventually get into deep conversations about a person’s worldview, then we must learn how to move past surface-level relationships and conversations. We cannot wait on our shallow conversations to magically drift toward deep heart maters. Being good at relationship evangelism means taking on the responsibility to steer our conversations toward depth.
Thankfully, Chan offers a simple tactic to overcome the barrier.
Nudge the Conversation toward the Gospel
Chan employs a tactic he calls nudge questions. The concept is simple: learn to ask questions that nudge a conversation down one level in depth. It may sound obvious, but I believe this is a valuable habit in all of our relationships, not just the ones with whom we hope to share the gospel.
Interests are easy. Interests are comfortable. In conversation, interests shield us from the hard work of thinking. They are also safe and vanilla. People do not normally get upset about interests, and we’re not left vulnerable because of the lack of importance placed on them. You likely want to stay there in conversation, and there is a good chance the person you are talking to wants to as well.
We cannot stay there. If we are the ones tasked with sharing the gospel, that is the same as being tasked with talking to people about their worldviews, those deepest levels of meaning and belief. So, it is our responsibility to find ways to move the conversation there. We can do so by nudging the conversation one layer down with good questions.
Think of a nudge question as a well placed question at one level that bumps the conversation into the next level of depth. These questions are stairways down to the next level of the house. For instance, when talking interests a nudge question will fit in the conversation by relating to the interests being discussed. But the answer will require the participants to “walk down the stairs” to the values level. When answered, the question has nudged the conversation to one about values. You are a level deeper. The same can be done to move from values to worldview.
There is no magical set of nudge questions, but I would encourage you to spend time coming up with some you might ask. Consider questions like: “So, would you consider yourself a spiritual person?” and “If God could do one thing in your life right now, what would you want it to be?” In fact, if you want a whole starter set you can look at this list of nudge questions I compiled from a conversation with several of our seminary students and some missionaries.
I am convinced we should all become better at using nudge questions to deepen our level of conversation with others. It is good for us to nudge our conversations with our Christian friends toward depth. If shallow conversations build shallow relationships, then deep conversations build deep relationships. We only stand to gain if we deepen our relationships with other believers. Concerning evangelism, deepening our conversations is crucial to presenting Christ to our friends and family who have not crossed that line of faith.